What I consider is the absolute good fortune in any misfortune I experienced in childhood,  is the completely fresh and open-eyed perception I was given on the world.

Absolutely nothing was as it seemed in my home life, and I played a part in the deception, for fear of what may happen if I didn’t.

It seemed only logical to me, and as my mother explained “it is only what people think that matters, not what really ‘is'”, that much goes on that isn’t really the way it appears.

Finding the sense behind things became my birth right, and quite the only way I was able to avoid harm in the home environment.

I discovered many things that I grew to rely upon and depend upon, were not anywhere to be found in the books that lined the family shelves.

These books were supposedly on ‘everything’, the classifying of everything, the expertise and knowledge on everything being proven or discussed.   These books, I also became aware, contained the apparent proof of the superiority, that my mother believed she had over others.

Being injured daily in a home that to all outside intents and purposes, was a loving family, was desperately saddening to me.  There was no allowances or services to live away like the ‘austudy’  for example that came many years later in Australia, and I did not have any other family I could depend on as none visited, or telephoned.  There was no one to tell.  There were no visitors at all, though I recall two freak occasions and missed opportunities in all those years.

One, where a great aunt who lived in the same town, saved me from a cold dinner I was left to stare at for hours in the dark at the table by myself unable to finish it, quietly removing it and freeing me to leave the table – how I loved her for it.  The second, when my mother’s sisters boys were over, our older boy cousins.  My brother suggested to them- as an activity / game for them to play – firing rubber bands at me, and something coming naturally to his mind as it was a regular past time of his.

If you have never heard of this it is when a rubber band is aimed and let go – it hits the target at a huge speed and causes painful dark red welts on the skin.  I glanced quickly to see if I needed to make a hasty exit, and as happy as I was that they didn’t take him up on his idea, I was saddened that they did nothing and said nothing…  I believe they could have had enormous influence on him, as he would have listened and this was the only time he would have heard  or seen any correcting comment or reaction, in such a way.  Behaviours of my brother’s like this at a young age are called a ‘conduct disorder’ and need to be dealt with “swiftly” according to Dr Ramini an expert on antisocial personality disorders ( brilliant youtube channel also) to prevent continued development toward other more untreatable disorders in adulthood, such as my mother displayed.   Like I said, a missed opportunity…

Energies and feelings were enormous company for me and I only grew more and more sensitive to them.  I spent enormous periods on my own, away from anyone who would hurt me.  I had very strong bonds with all of nature outside and any pets or farm animals as I felt much more attached to them than the human beings in the house.  Nature had a natural order that was missing in the ‘home’ environment.

Not allowed to speak or make any sound, and the need to want to escape any pain and despair. absolutely enabled me to fast track to a spiritual development that would have been much more difficult to obtain another way.

Today, I do not have a worry or a thought enter my head unless I put it there.  I have complete faith that I will know what it is I need to know, when I need to know it.  I feel what is being told to me, or what I receive in my body, and give it the same credence as information that enters my thought space.  The advantage this gives me in life I cannot emphasize enough.  Life just completely opened up, expanded, and became obvious.

I learned thought mastery the ‘hard way’ but also the way of no exception, and by absolute necessity, so in that case it was the ‘easier way’;)  The undistracted way. 😉  Before I had learned how not to attract further suffering, it really was at one stage , that I could not bear to live with the thoughts I was having for another minute, so  no other way but a need for thought discipline.

I consider myself to be an expert on Misery Management.  Or how to ‘cash in’ your misery chips for joy!  Absolutely, the more suffering you have experienced, the more capacity you have to experience joy.  It is true about balance, yin yang, light dark, good bad – all true.

I want everyone to know all that they are in this moment, as I am very concerned about the general stifling of our entire species.  What I call Chronic Deficiency Syndrome is having an enormous effect on the human population.  I can see clearly that this is largely caused by our own creative stifling, from our own organisational constructs, developed from ignorance of ourselves.

Contributing to our Chronic Deficiency Syndrome is the stifling of our creativity with languages , and a widespread acceptance of a negative or sad state of being, as the norm.

Not interfering with natural selection and survival of the fittest were the reasons and arguments for much that has come about historically, by humanity, when planning structures for society. I would like to strongly suggest that we do an overview, and bring into correction what is obvious that can be improved upon, now, with the wisdom that we have available to us.

We have never before had such a terrible state of human health and decline, and, when it is our own creativity that has caused it, our own creativity can correct it! : )