Category Archives: #advice

12Sep / 2023

Narcissism, Antisocial Personality Disorder. (Or Why Didn’t I Post a Blog For So Long.)

Hello again! Tt feels wonderful to be back! Thank you for reading, and welcome to new readers too! You may notice the complete change of blog appearance and domain name. 🙂

My past caught up with me in a very bad way unfortunately. I reconnected with my brother after 30+ years after our mother had passed, motivated by my wanting to know how he was, and in my hopeful naivety to have him back in my life as the brother I never had, things just went downhill from there.

Long story short I needed to secure a protection order. It just had been too many years and too many lies. For those already aware of Narcissism Antisocial Personality Disorder patterns, I was the scapegoat in the scenario and he was the golden child.

I had just always made excuses for him, that “he was only a child then, when he did those things” and “she(our mother) was the one making him do those things” “…say those things”,”…behave that way.” so “he wasn’t to blame for any of it.”

I had to learn that ‘conduct disorder’ as it is called when someone has behaviours like my brother had, pre 17, “becomes antisocial personality disorder itself , if it is not dealt with swiftly,” to quote the marvellous Dr Ramini:


the American clinical psychologist & professor who has done incredible work on this topic.  Do check out  her you tube channel if you are also affected by this condition in any way – I strongly recommend her to bring peace & understanding to the topic, in addition to Dr Les Carter, with decades of experience as a psychotherapist:


I now realise I tried for too many years to ‘solve it’ where most advice is to cut off.  Which of course I had done from my mother, thankfully, but retained always the hope and intention of healing the situation with my brother and all extended family.

But, Narcissism – to which there is no cure – is a terrible, wide inflicting illness that can destroy families and completely destroy someone’s lifepath.  It is exhausting and draining for anyone affected by someone with it, it can be shocking, ever hurtful and destroying and to quote Dr Ramini again “the Narcissist uses the world as their personal toilet.”

Their ’emotional toilet’ not caring how low or awful they cause anyone to feel, their only care is for themselves and how they are viewed, in some cases taking pleasure from causing the distress in the first place.

They are themselves miserable, in an arrested state of development, and it comes about early as a shame disorder, and how the youngster’s creativity leads them to cope with it. It is not a path of healing, but rather a decision to make believe and then they are down the rabbit hole of deception leading to another deception, and getting better at it as the years progress. The last photograph I saw of my mother, on a visit to relative’s house, in addition to her false facial expression, she clearly demonstrated ‘floating irises’ a condition in the eyes where the iris has a full circle of colour around it, appearing as though they are floating – it can be indicative of being completely disconnected from reality and it is found in sociopaths/psychopaths.

I love my brother, and consider it is a tragedy and wish him only the very best. If only other family members on her side had stepped up, as they all had very good reason to doubt she could parent, I discovered, when I questioned them on this, things may have been different. An apathetic family is precisely what is required to make the best flying monkeys, for any Narcissist’s supply. We were all victims of Narcissistic abuse, just from within the different role(s) we were given.

Please do not hesitate to find the above experts at their youtube channels, for information on any part of this, or related conditions.   I am so grateful for them, and feel so indebted to the both of them. for the way they are able to explain this complex illness in such a way to bring a supportive understanding to it.

So, with a new look to the site and new name, it brings a fresh energy to such a serious topic as The Human Being. 🙂 Many Blessings!

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03Sep / 2011

So What IS Worry?

  • worry defined
  • how to cease worrying

Worry is simply an undisciplined thought process.

When thoughts had become undisciplined in enough people, when how to control thinking had been neglected to be taught to enough people, and when there was no ability in enough people to take action on concerns they had, there was cause for a new term to be invented.  A new word, and a new concept, to make believe we all new everything that was going on with us, and that our feelings were normal.  “Worry” was born.

All it is, is a thought that is recurring.  Don’t beat yourself up about it, chances are you are yet to move from your default setting of thoughts just coming to you as a constant stream, and when triggered, and when an action is required to solve something, that for whatever reason you cannot take.

To cease worrying, it is important to:

a)  Don’t get caught up in the word,;) discern between a concern and ‘worry’.  Begin to recognise when a thought, is also a ‘concern’.  A thought is still a thought no matter how it causes you to feel, or what messages it brings you, ie happy thought, pleasant thought, troublesome thought.

But a ‘concerning’ thought =  a thought that comes to you wanting an action, that may be unpleasant, or that may have an unpleasant consequence if the action is not carried out.  Or a thought that does not feel good, whether you know why that is or not, yet. Feeling concern for something is not the same as ‘worrying’ but could be completely healthy wisdom or guidance.

b) Consult your thoughts in a time of your choosing.  Just deciding to do this kick starts your subconscious and makes the Universe aware of your intent.  Set aside a time each day for ‘careful, contemplative thinking time’.

I tend to do this in the morning, consulting with myself the actions of the day ahead, and asking if there is anything that needs to be brought to my attention.  It speeds up and changes as you get more proficient in it, and are then able to concurrently manage – or read –  feelings, til they themselves give you a thought, allowing them to disappear, simply because their job is now done.

I allow time again later in the evening, when I hold a space for aspects of my Self to assess the day, and ask again if there is anything that needs to be brought to my attention.  I then reflect over my day in a state of gratitude over what has occurred or been achieved.

c)  Eliminate the word ‘ worry’ from your vocabulary, your knowledge is greater now.

When you are able to control your thoughts or just understand them better, it is very easy to stop worrying, as you know there is no natural place or context for it.  It becomes a completely ridiculous and pointless activity, a self- defeating ignorant concept. (Ignorance;without knowledge)

d) Recognize that you need to start the process of this Self Mastery of thought control, and asking yourself within, for it to begin to work. It does not show itself to you before, there is nothing holding up a sign or waving at you to begin.;)  It takes a conscious act of your Self to want to start, a belief in and a faith that it can happen and I assure you, it is waiting, and will meet you in your efforts! : )  Baby steps to begin with, is the sure way of success.

e) During your contemplative thinking time:

i) Allow for thoughts to present themselves,

ii) Consciously decide what action you will take on this thought.

iii) Then drop it /let it go and move to the next thought / asking for the next thought, that is the next most important to come to you.

In the beginning you may feel like someone pretending to conduct an orchestra for the first time, but it will all fall into place.  It is your holding of the intent, and the knowing, that it’s going to work, that will make it work.

Recognize that thought control takes time. It takes practise at getting to know your Self and your individual abilities and ways of working.  It takes a usage of the word ‘faith’ in it’s truest sense; a knowing that something will occur, and it will : )

To stop the invented concept called ‘worrying’ is only a choice!  To your self mastery..!!

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