Hello again! Tt feels wonderful to be back! Thank you for reading, and welcome to new readers too! You may notice the complete change of blog appearance and domain name. 🙂
My past caught up with me in a very bad way unfortunately. I reconnected with my brother after 30+ years after our mother had passed, motivated by my wanting to know how he was, and in my hopeful naivety to have him back in my life as the brother I never had, things just went downhill from there.
Long story short I needed to secure a protection order. It just had been too many years and too many lies. For those already aware of Narcissism Antisocial Personality Disorder patterns, I was the scapegoat in the scenario and he was the golden child.
I had just always made excuses for him, that “he was only a child then, when he did those things” and “she(our mother) was the one making him do those things” “…say those things”,”…behave that way.” so “he wasn’t to blame for any of it.”
I had to learn that ‘conduct disorder’ as it is called when someone has behaviours like my brother had, pre 17, “becomes antisocial personality disorder itself , if it is not dealt with swiftly,” to quote the marvellous Dr Ramini:
the American clinical psychologist & professor who has done incredible work on this topic. Do check out her you tube channel if you are also affected by this condition in any way – I strongly recommend her to bring peace & understanding to the topic, in addition to Dr Les Carter, with decades of experience as a psychotherapist:
I now realise I tried for too many years to ‘solve it’ where most advice is to cut off. Which of course I had done from my mother, thankfully, but retained always the hope and intention of healing the situation with my brother and all extended family.
But, Narcissism – to which there is no cure – is a terrible, wide inflicting illness that can destroy families and completely destroy someone’s lifepath. It is exhausting and draining for anyone affected by someone with it, it can be shocking, ever hurtful and destroying and to quote Dr Ramini again “the Narcissist uses the world as their personal toilet.”
Their ’emotional toilet’ not caring how low or awful they cause anyone to feel, their only care is for themselves and how they are viewed, in some cases taking pleasure from causing the distress in the first place.
They are themselves miserable, in an arrested state of development, and it comes about early as a shame disorder, and how the youngster’s creativity leads them to cope with it. It is not a path of healing, but rather a decision to make believe and then they are down the rabbit hole of deception leading to another deception, and getting better at it as the years progress. The last photograph I saw of my mother, on a visit to relative’s house, in addition to her false facial expression, she clearly demonstrated ‘floating irises’ a condition in the eyes where the iris has a full circle of colour around it, appearing as though they are floating – it can be indicative of being completely disconnected from reality and it is found in sociopaths/psychopaths.
I love my brother, and consider it is a tragedy and wish him only the very best. If only other family members on her side had stepped up, as they all had very good reason to doubt she could parent, I discovered, when I questioned them on this, things may have been different. An apathetic family is precisely what is required to make the best flying monkeys, for any Narcissist’s supply. We were all victims of Narcissistic abuse, just from within the different role(s) we were given.
Please do not hesitate to find the above experts at their youtube channels, for information on any part of this, or related conditions. I am so grateful for them, and feel so indebted to the both of them. for the way they are able to explain this complex illness in such a way to bring a supportive understanding to it.
So, with a new look to the site and new name, it brings a fresh energy to such a serious topic as The Human Being. 🙂 Many Blessings!
C'mon, Be a Human Already!;) 